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Can you give me what I need? Fantasizing about hookups, and using ads to inform those fantasies, are still nothing more than daydreams. I just think that I would not be ok with my partner needing to have the rush of actually meeting someone is he so chooses to get off. But I think we want the same thing, we want the LW to talk to her husband about it and figure out what he uses casual encounters for and why he needs that instead of actual porn. Not to mention gaps in reading comprehension.
First, there is no proof, or even an allegation made by the LW that her husband is answering ads on Craigslist. Second, nowhere do I say it is the fact that we are SO close to doing the act that is the turn on. Hell, I never even contact anybody… Honestly, where did you even get that from. Seriously, does anybody on here know of a single women who has actually posted in the casual encounters section on craigslist?
Yet alone followed through and banged some random she mets there? You can tell most of the people posting the ads on Craigslist are FLAKES just by the sheer repeats one encounters making return visits. You will often again and again see the same ad over and over and over. Such as blowing some random, nameless, hot guy in an alley. But… in real life? Possible murder by some psychopath! Yeah, lots of things hold me back.
Possible murder by a psychopath! Never seeing his kids other than weekends! Especially since there is ZERO evidence of any damning emails. You all make lousy detectives — the lot of you — even Wendy.
Everybody has sexual fantasies about other people. ElevenSeven October 31, , 6: I know three women who do this. Trixy Minx October 31, , 7: Alicia September 26, , 1: It looks so tempting so moist so good. Now, one of two things happens.
You fill up on steak and go home dreaming about that piece of cake you never got. Is that dark chocolate in the middle? You hate dark chocolate! The fantasy of what could be is the excitement. I totally understand it. Some of the hottest things on CL are the well thought out ads.
Sure, someone could post a dirty photo and their cell number saying to meet them at the seediest dirtiest motel. But the ads where someone sat down, has a brain, thought out what they want and published the words of an arousing scenario. Those are the ones that get the heart racing. GatorGirl October 31, , 1: I have to agree with BGM on this one.
There is a chance that he is just using the ads for his spank bank. Some men prefer audio, some text, some video, heck even some cartoons for their alone time. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences, even if they make no sense to other people. I do think that the fact he is being so secretive about his phone habits is a red flag though.
Going out of your way to hide your phone from your partner makes me skeptical that he is only using the ads for self gratification and may or may not be meeting up with people. The appeal of craigslist is not that its words, is that its real people asking for real sex.
Nevermind the extra added bonys stimulation of Craigslist or — God forbid! BGM the next time you accuse women of giving other women the benefit of the doubt and always blaming the guy…. As if most women would be just thrilled to learn that their husband is innocently jacking off to ads on Craigslist. Especially when they are insanely hormonal because they just gave a baby. Gee… why ever would he simply not want her to know about this… Gee, I wonder.
Is there truly no such thing as privacy in most straight relationships? Well, wowee, no wonder so many of them FAIL! His fantasy life is his fantasy life. God knows I have mine… End of story. There should be a balance, no? Neither gender should get do or demand whatever what they want while the other just has to suck it up and deal.
My husband and I are both open about porn, fantasies, etc. Same goes for my fantasy time and privacy. The LW just needs to have a conversation with her husband about this. Yes, I think this discussion at least in my mind has strayed a bit from the initial letter to a more general discussion about men and women in relationships together.
Then we could both move on. If he theoretically is unwilling to do that, well, that would be his bad. If she had just found them because she was snooping with no reason, then that would be her own damn fault. An elegant solution, perhaps, but it could be innocent. I agree that the general consensus is taking it too far, but I also think that BGM is taking it too far the other way. He could be cheating or he could be just whacking off. This is all your fault! Eh, we just see this issue differently.
I see reading Craigslist ads and hiding the phone to be independent of each other. If he was hiding it from me I would be concerned. Being secretive is the red flag to me, not the materials he is reading. Especially, if its all just fantasy. How does that help her? I mean, hey, if he also has a sexual fantasy about the barista down at Starbucks, does he need to tell her about that, too.
After he reassures her, the matter should be closed and he gets his privacy back. Its a balancing act, where both partners get their needs met, whether those needs are sexual or emotional.
Now that she is concerned. They definitely need to talk about it. Frankly, the fact that so many not you Ele4phant on here — Wendy included — have so casually and so quickly suggested to a hormonal, sleep deprived woman that — yes! GatorGirl October 31, , 3: You really honestly would not have a similar reaction if a person you were in a relationship suddently started hiding their phone from you? So I am definitely the wrong person to ask on this. Also, I am not blaming the wife here.
And yeah, by all means lets have a conversation about it. Like the other day I wanted to look up something his FB friend posted that he told me about, so I just picked it up and looked up the friend.
In the same car ride he asked me to pull up his e-mail account and find a specific one. The only thing I would ever hide from him is say a gift. Being broke and unhappy somehow surprisingly limits those that want to date you.
The good ones are all paired off. And now with all this gay rights nonsense getting legally married and having kids. Plus, I hated cellphones at first. I was never that insecure. Well, not about that, anyway…. To use the classic example: Lindsay October 31, , Cheating spouses are not exactly the most honest people. SuzyQ October 31, , But I will now! I need a chuckle. Amber October 31, , 3: Kim November 1, , Kat October 10, , Hi I wante to warn all wives out there that men go on Craigslist casual encounters to cheat point blank.
I am single and I went on there a few times just to see what it wa like out of curiosity. Well let me tell you…within minutes I got response from many men. Most of which were married. One guy I did meet up with in a safe public place and did follow through with my encounter. He seemed legit but I found out in the end he was in a relationship with someone and said it just happend.
Yeah whatever we know the story. Needless to say I totally am not interested in going on Craigslist anymore. Get a clue ladies and it is a red flag when your husband is on there. No matter what, all I hear is denial. Most men are pigs. Defiant 1 January 28, , Well ladies my gf caught one add in my phone I looked at.
Totally wrong for me to look. Our baby is due in a month just lost my family. Stay true even looking is wrong. Stephi3 March 28, , 6: I got worried after my boyfriend kept hiding his phone from my view always putting it on his chest when I would walk in the room or take it everywhere he went even if it was to get a drink. So I decided to go on his old phone since he recently got a new one and I saw on his web history the 15 minute quickies and escorts and stuff on Craigslist ads.
How solution was to be more sexual. Im trying my hardest, I get sore down there very often im having more sex then I ever thought and he wants more.
Jackielee April 3, , 2: I found this page by searching the scenario boyfriend looks at casual encounters, and i have a very similar situation. Even before we moved in I picked up his phone and without snooping or searching I saw he was looking at these ads on craiglist, lots of them.
He told me he was showing a friend at work how funny they are. The whole relationship he has been cruising through these ads every once in a while sometimes for just a day sometimes for longer. This I know from looking in his history. Even after the confrontation he still secretly cruises the ads at least once a week. Our sex life to me is very fulfilling as well, 5 days a week if not more id say we get it on. Just wondering what to make of this. Move out, or have him move out.
Ron June 18, , That is not a good relationship. In fact, it is a bad relationship, with some good attributes. Why did you move in with him with all of these distrustful thoughts always playing in the back of your mind? Marriage and a kid to really fetter him? Yes, it will hurt, you will miss him, and you have doubts, but you know you need to break up with him. Matheus Henrique Caldeira June 18, , Never take your intuitions as paranoia, because you have learned to think in a way, intuition is not something irrelevant, it is a manifestation of your knowledge, as if your subconscious was connecting points and telling you what to do, then go and do, If it is nothing, it will continue to be nothing, now if it is really hiding something from you, this should be clarified.
You have a future ahead of you, children need parents present, and learning what love is, and an example in the family, not an example of betrayal. Good luck and be careful. Jane doe August 2, , 1: I made a fake add on cl after finding that my husband has been on the m4m page under casual encontors well 3 weeks later he finally emails so I set up a fake number with a text app and he set plans with this guy to meet and when he told him where and what time I told him to send a pic of the sign of the place and he did and then I sent him a text and asked him what he was doing at this location.
Kate August 2, , 3: And, I guess, gay? What are you going to do after confronting him? Skyblossom August 2, , 4: Take a picture of him arriving and then take a picture of him waiting. Maybe a video of it. That shows he was there to meet someone and not just walking through.
Stupidtrustingfool November 25, , The past 2 years most difficult. I felt when things started to change. In all our years together i never questioned his loyalty. About 6 months ago, i started looking at his tablet internet history. It was all CL Encounters. I felt so silly. A few times hotel addresses popped up but it was so close to his job site i convinced myself i was wrong. The man i am married to frown;s upon and tells his friends who cheat how stupid they are.
Soon after he put code on his tablet. He became more angry toward me. Went from his favorite part of day is coming home to spending less than 20 min a week with me yet still expected me to let him have me. Our 15 yr old adopted daughter ran away. Last August i discovered i have Hashimotos, an auto immune disease after suffering a heart attack, id already been suffering health issues with perrimenapausal symptoms.
Stress is a huge trigger. A heart attack, breast cancer scare, change of employment through an acquisition, a hysterectomy, loss of child running away, mother with dementia, living seperate lives, seperate bedrooms and 3 weeks ago he stops auto deposit and tells me i mismanage the money. From now on let him know when i need money for bills. Sat, nov 18th my world shattered. I confirmed he has been cheating for over a year. I looked at phone activity.
He now has a woman on the side plus hookups. All the signs were there starting with CL Encounters. Today is the first time ive googled it. What a fool to believe! I packed his stuff that sat. He was already looking for place to rent until we could sell house, he refused to leave.
Monday i hope will be the day judge approves and i can call police for civil assist to serve my husband, wait while he gets his belongings and confiscate his guns which he threatened me with when i asked him to leave last Sunday. His right to stay in our home? Next i need to get tested. There is nothing casual about it. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Dear Wendy October 31, Cheating , Columns 90 comments.
I have been with my husband for four years. We have two children ages 19 months and 3 months. For a while it had seemed he was trying to hide his phone from me whenever I was around him. He only looks at movie and celebrity news online, so I became suspicious when he became overprotective about his phone. When he was in the shower a week ago, I looked at his internet history. I got so scared but eventually figured he was just looking just to look. We all have curiosity about weird stuff like that kind of.
What if husband wants to watch you with another female.
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